12 May 2027
Wednesday. A group of first-timers on the tour today, very nervous. One of them asked Kev if my dunny was hard. I said nothing about me is hard. I am a gentle soul with an axe.
Kev gave them the honest answer, which is that the dunny is a seven out of ten. Things aren’t hidden away in impossible places. You’ll find them. Working out what to do with them, that’s where your brain has to put its boots on.
My advice to beginners, which nobody asked for: talk. Say what you’ve found. Say it louder. Don’t keep a good idea in your pocket like a lolly you’re saving for later. And if the gamesmaster offers a clue, take it. Pride is for celebrities. Trust me.
They took three clues and got out with the light nearly gone. I watched from behind the gum tree. One of them said, “That was harder than I thought.” Another one said, “Let’s do another one.” That’s how it starts. Next thing you know, you live in the bush.
Bev and I did a celebratory chop. Firewood for a week.
— Huge Axeman
